so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
