Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
