I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
