I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
