In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
