don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
