I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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