Are we in a gay sports bar?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
