u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
