I cut my penus on the lid.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
