If that was your dad, he is hot
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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