I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
