So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
