I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
