A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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