But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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