Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
