This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
