Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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