you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
