I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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