You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
