They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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