We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize