i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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