I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
