At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
how does that bad decision feel?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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