I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
