If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You need a sexual gate keeper
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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