was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
