my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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