absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Boobs speak an international language.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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