she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
