Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
