Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
