You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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