I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
