my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
