As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
