Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
