She's JV to your varsity
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
