You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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