just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
