I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
