So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
