New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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