Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
