it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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