I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
