I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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