i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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