According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
