he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I love you. Go after that dick
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
