I think I am morally bankrupt
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize