u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
