hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
