I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
