i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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