Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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