if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i think i have two assholes
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
