I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
