I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
