I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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