your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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