the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
